7 ways to connect with your ancestors

​When eight years ago I set on a journey to find out about my ancestors, how they impact my life and how I can work with that, I had no clue where to go and what to do. I googled, I met people, I researched and mainly what I found were practices where somebody else would do it for you – I needed to pay the fees, and attend ceremonies, or workshops, sometimes even cook a great deal. Now as I am one of those practitioners I am also deeply interested in empowering others to begin their own connection with ancestors. I spoke about it to various ancestral practitioners, asking them first of all - what is a simple way anyone can begin this journey. After all they are your ancestors, so you should be the one building this relationship, and then when it gets difficult turn to a practitioner for support. Here are 7 answers I received, simple steps to set on this path of ancestral connection: 

• Connect through stories you know about ancestors and elders

“Something that springs to mind is to take a moment to remember grandparents, maybe a story about great grandparents that offers you a feeling of connection and belonging and of love, and to just notice how that lives in you as you remember it, as you breathe, as you feel, so you recognise how this connection is here, and it's available to you. It's very simple. It's as simple as that; just recalling that memory maybe even recalling, if you know, what that person looked like or imagining what that person looked like through the stories that were told, and just letting the essence of them being with you and allowing this connection to live with you in your body in the here and now.
 
Start with what is known. If you are adopted, if you don't have any knowledge of your family, you can start with recognising who your known ancestors are, your mentors, your guides, your elders, your old teachers or caregivers and including them as part of your ancestral support. Then when you have allowed yourself to really rest into that, you can start to open up to the fact that you have biological parents and grandparents and great grandparents, and that they are living in you. Part of who you are and how you are in the world is a result of them. Then you can start to go on this journey, this incredibly exciting supportive journey of recognising these connections. I would suggest continuing to establish the known and being curious about the unknown.”- Sian Palmer, founder of Expressive Movement, co-founder of Ancestral Connections
 

• Make an offering and speak with your ancestors any time

“You know you can speak to your ancestors anytime you want, and it's about making this honouring of an offering - I take out ash from the wood fire. I offer that ash, take the action and say this is for honouring, and protection; and then that opens the way for them; I say: ‘I'm here. And I'd like to speak to you and can we have a conversation.’ Do it the same way you would with respect, with anyone that you want to have conversation.” - Mbali Marais, Dagara tradition stick diviner
 

• Meditate visualising all your ancestors and their gifts behind you

“The simplest thing is just to do a meditation, where I am aware that my body, my blood, my bones are here because I have parents, those two people. Whatever they did or whatever they didn't do, they actually had everything to do with my being alive. They also have parents, and the parents behind and the parents behind. Begin to feel in your body this resonance of many, many lines of ancestors. I think it's really beautiful just to do that visualisation, just to be aware of that reality. When people are nervous about the concept, I think it's so supportive to say this is really just true in terms of biology, that life was passed on and passed on and passed on. And then when we're looking at systems we have all the complexity that goes with what happened in each of those generations.
 
But to be really aware of my own strength and my own resilience, there is something amazing that comes from just being able to have a sense of that inheritance. Think about, in all humility, honestly, what are the gifts that you have been given? In a lot of indigenous traditions there's a different concept about gifts: that we all come into the world with a gift or gifts that are really not for us at all, have almost nothing to do with us. They are there for a purpose; they are for service, they are for us to share in a generous way. And very often those gifts are part of a family legacy. So feel into what are your gifts and invite all those who are behind you, those you come from, who knew how to use this gift in a good way, ‘please come stand with me’.
 
It's a very sweet thing to be able to have this exchange acknowledging the lineage of these different beauties and talents, and just treasures that you carry, that you have always had. To be able to invite an exchange with those ancestors through whom those treasures have been passed down.” – Francesca Mason Boring, family and systems constellations facilitator, teacher, author

• Connect through things that belonged to ancestors, and dream

“Make an altar with photographs of your ancestors and look at the pictures and talk to them. ‘Hi Grandma, how are you today in the beyond? It's a little bit stressful down here and if you can, tug on the revs of those angels and get them to send me some help, please.’ Imagine you're talking to them on the telephone, just look at the pictures and talk to them.
 
The other thing is if you have a treasured item like your grandmother's favourite serving dish, where she would present a meal, or a necklace or earrings or your grandfather's pipe. Hold the pipe and just think of your grandfather and tell him how much you love him and how grateful you are for all the gifts and his insights and go into a gratitude stream. And for those who are adopted, you can imagine and say, ‘I'm calling in my birth parents and grandparents, who might not even know that I exist; please support me in my life now’ - and ask for help. Focus on the object, give gratitude, and then ask for help, and then watch and see, it's a wonderful way to start and you will feel it. You can even say ‘please give me a sign that you've heard me.’
 
And then watch for the sign. Your ancestors, your grandparents, your great grandparents, they're your guardian angels, who sometimes don't have permission to touch your lives. So you have to ask for the help before they can come to you. So ask for the help and then trust that it's going to come.
 
Also, begin with dreams. Before going to sleep at night ask for a dream from the ancestors, to help understand the challenges they had to overcome - what was the most difficult thing for them and how you can honour them? We are carrying in our blood, in our DNA, all the stories of the ancestors; we've gotten all our strengths and gifts from them. We've earned the benefit from all the challenges they've surmounted. We have four grandparents so maybe one night ask your father's mother, then ask your mother's mother, then mother's father and father's father. Ask and wait until you get a dream from them or understanding of what happened to them and the gifts that you've received from that. Ask for healing stories, ask them to talk to you, ask them to connect with you and tell you what you need to know now to help you move forward in your life; and begin a dialogue, just because they're not physically present, doesn't mean they're not with us, and it may even be that it erupts from your own inner knowing because their memories are in your blood. But you might actually have a dream where you're connecting with an ancestral energy, and through your dream it might feel safer than in a ceremony.
 
If you don't remember your dreams, just relax and daydream, meditate. And then, go with what comes, even it feels imagined; keep a journal, write down the information you have.” – Chetna Lawless, co-founder of Laughing Rainbow Mystery School, shamanic teacher
 

• Know the stories of your family tree, connect with those you’d like more of

“It's so simple. It starts with having respect for your parents, and having respect for your grandparents, and perhaps doing a family tree for the first time. Anyone can do that and stories are powerful; use Internet or sit down with your mom and your dad, ask them about their lives. Ask them about what it was like to grow up. Where did they grow up? What's important to them? How did they meet each other? - That's the story of your origin. How did they fall in love? This is super important information and if you don't ask them today, and if you keep thinking one day, one day, one day, they're going to pass away and once your parents die that information is gone, you can never, ever, ever get it again. The primary ways to connect with your ancestry is by finding living stories of people in your ancestry, and finding people that you like that you can connect with. So, I discovered I have an ancestor, she was imported as a slave to Africa. And she managed to go from being a slave to marrying a white man, being released from slavery, and she ended up owning a great deal of land in the province. And being a very successful businesswoman. I am interested in that, the qualities and stories I need in my life too.
 
What are the stories and who are the people in the seven generations before you, that have a quality that you don't have, something that you want more of. And how can you develop a relationship with them, and stand next to them. Go up to them and say – ‘hi, I really want to come and stand here with you. Can I hang out with you a little bit?’ And that is the power of it. All those people are little bits of you, they all exist within you, and they all have qualities that are running through you, and you can consciously connect with certain qualities by connecting with those people. It doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to be out there or weird or strange. It just means paying attention to the things that came before you, caring about them, talking about them, and acknowledging them, including them.” – Anel Hamershma, African tradition diviner, systemic facilitator
 

• Give thanks to your parents for the life they gave you

“We start with mother and father, which are most difficult, and most important. So, as an exercise, see what relationship - your father, or your mother - brings more difficulty to you; decide upon that and work on that by saying: ‘Thank you, mom or dad, for being exactly the way you are.’ It is a big step. If you can say that with your whole hearted truth - wonderful. But if you can't - meditate on it. What is it that you judge in your mom or dad? Remember that they gave you the biggest gift anyone can ever give you; they gave you your life. Even if they didn't want it, life wanted to go through them to you. Even if consciously they were not available, they actually gave you life. Start by giving thanks to your mom and dad for the life, and then try to find out why you don't give that much thanks. Why did they do what they did?  Try to understand them from their moccasins, put yourself in their shoes. That's how you can change your perspective to your parents, your grandparents and everything that came before. Whatever happened had to happen. So give thanks to what happened to whatever crisis, there was.” – Gui Tantan, shamanic practitioner, teacher, systemic facilitator and teacher
 

• Create a special place for ancestors and a list of their qualities​

“Two options. As an initial step - creating a space in your home, that is a place for your ancestors. In a way, just by creating a space you're inviting them. The idea is that you thank and you ask; it is basic for many traditions, in prayer in particular, you say thank you for what you received and you're asking for what you need. By creating a place you're saying - you're welcome. It’s important that you choose this place carefully, that's private, and also not where you do things that you wouldn’t do in front of ancestors (or other people); put up a candle and a few objects that represent your ancestors, pictures of your grandparents, your great grandparents. It's a symbolic place where you can go to, greet them, thank them, where you could ask and you could think. In some cultures, this is just an obvious thing, but in many Western cultures we've totally forgotten this idea.
 
So that could be the first thing. And then, begin connecting to various resources or strengths, gifts that you may receive from the ancestors. As soon as you start connecting to ancestors your ancestors find ways to connect to you as well. And they do it in whatever ways they can, whether it's photographs or sort of synchronous meetings with people in the park. Put objects that represent those gifts and resources to this place of the ancestors so that you can remember - use stones, figures, leaves, little bits and pieces from nature. Everybody's relationship with their ancestors is a deeply personal process, so listen to your own guidance.
 
For those of you that are not into the ritual way of working, then we just do a list.
Write down your mother, father, your grandfather and grandmother. What are their beautiful qualities, what were they good at? Even if your mind first goes to all the terrible things they’ve been through or did. It's a real exercise to work out what actually were they good at, and to list that. You can thank them for those qualities because it's possible for you to switch them on in yourself.
 
That's an easy way to connect and to open up the channel by being grateful for what you did receive.” – Tanja Meyburgh, founder of African Constellations, co-founder of Ancestral Connections and of Real Academy
 
 
Full interviews available on Youtube
 
Aleksandra Shymina
August 2020