Eye to eye

As I look at my blurry reflection in the window of a moving train, with a beautiful sunny landscape whooshing by, I see all my grandmothers and great-grandmothers peering back at me: the tatars, the jews, the russians, the ukrainians. As if all of them merged into one pair of eyes, one blurry woman with a shawl on her shoulders. 

I squint in the bright sun, and look harder. I want to know what was their way to be in the world without collapsing under its pressure. Of course, my pressures are nothing like theirs, thankfully I have a safe well-provided life doing what I want where I want. A privilege they didn't have. Still, I feel sometimes that being alive and awake asks so much of me that I am lost for ways to handle it. 

Climate change, poverty, brexit, trump, zika, homelessness, war refugees, earthquakes, fracking, oil spills... from the moment I wake up I am bombarded by pleads for help, to save, to donate, to petition, to contribute...I stopped reading bad-news papers and watching bad-news TV a long time ago and still I manage to walk into it all every day. The enormity of ask often leaves me paralysed to respond at all. Either I start looking for justification how I am already contributing or simply turn away. The more I turn away the more it stares into my face. The cycle goes on and it is draining.

As I am looking into the eyes of my great grandmothers who survived wars and famine, lost their husbands and children, were deprived of their homes and safety, I ask them - how did you manage carrying the world on your shoulders? What sustained you as women, as human beings, mothers and daughters?

They look back at me for what seems like a very long time.
Then they tell me - life is sacred in any circumstances. It is a precious blessing. Love sustains it. One day, one step, one breath at a time. Bringing love into life. What you cannot change, you can love. When you cannot help, you can love. When there is nothing left, you can love. Let it flow now.
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The words resonate deep in my body, tears come to my eyes. Is it that simple, my head wonders. But my heart already knows and is taking measures - opening the gates of love from the inside to flood every little thing on the outside. I love you. Thank you my dear wise ladies. Until we meet again.
- A.S.
(Image: Uknown as yet)