In my work, I often see how the truth of our right place settles the whole system. For example, one believes that they are the eldest in the family, and then discovers there were other siblings before them, who did not survive. Setting up and naming the right order, brings ease and sense of calm to everyone before and after. The sense of 'something is missing' dissolves and more energy is available.
I would like to share with you a ritual to explore your own place in your system.
When you set up your siblings, include everyone you know, born and unborn. If you do not know for sure, for example in case of adoption, or being conceived with a help of a donor, set up a collective representation - one representative for all siblings who were born and one representative for all unborn siblings. For your ancestors you use collective representation as we just don't know most of the time.
Begin by setting up representatives for yourself and your family tree. Start with only two or three generations for this ritual. So You, your parents, your grandparents and great grandparents.
Stand as yourself with the family system being behind you. Notice how it feels. Then slowly turn around to look at your family. Notice what changes in your body as you feel them looking at you. Use simple sentences to acknowledge what is - thank you for my life; you are my parents, grandparents, great grandparents; I am your descendant; I am your grandchild etc
Using your intuition and body's felt sense place two more representatives next to each person in your family - one for born siblings and one for unborn siblings. In your intention you include into these representations all known and unknown siblings.
Sometimes you might get a sense of it not being right at all, follow it and withdraw that representative. For example, you set up all born siblings for your grandmother and you feel this is just not right. So don't set it up. Then you set up the unborn siblings and it feels right in your body. Trust that sense even if you do not have any information about it. On some level this is also a deeply archetypal energy work, so it will touch on some layers that we don't know about.
When you set up representatives for all siblings for each of those present in your ritual, go back to your own representative, tune in. See what is changing for you as you now look at this family system that tripled in size. Acknowledge all siblings with a simple sentence - I see you, you have a place.
Now, set up representatives for all your siblings in the right order. Facing your family system declare to them - I am your descendant. I am one of [say the number]. I am [say your order number - second, third etc]. We are all your descendants. We all belong.
Notice what it feels like in your body to take your place in your system and allow others to have their places. Breathe.
You could add sentences to acknowledge all your siblings, born and unborn and to tell them the right order and that you will always be their older/younger sister/brother. And that you all are children of this family.
When you feel enough, close the ritual with gratitude and release all representatives.
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I am fascinated by the Systemic Family Constellations work and everything shamanic. I study it, practice it, research it. Here, I am sharing what I learn and hope it can be of use to somebody interested in healing their families, communities and lives.
In 2019 I published some of my poetry inspired by systemic work in this journal. It is available as PDF, Kindle or printed at the link above.