In a constellation a couple is often going through a process of looking at their partner in the context of their family system. To accept not only the partner but everyone who stand behind them. So what if we could do it right at the start of the partnership, at the time of birth of a new family. At a wedding. With this in mind, I set out to plan a systemic ceremony for a couple who have been to my constellation workshops and asked if I could marry them in real life too. The process has been exciting as I put together a ritual after ritual to create a full ceremony from start to finish. We met to discuss it in various London coffee shops and the couple offered their adjustments so that it also worked for them and their families. The key was to be flexible and always remember the intention behind it - systemic foundation of the occasion, radical inclusion and orders of love. Some sentences that would be very common in constellations were impossible to be said to real parents in a face to face situation.
Finally the day came. I arrived to the venue and straight away dived into feeling and working with the land, with the space, with what was to become our circle of love. As we agreed on details with the organizers and they finished the set up I called in the spirits of the four directions, the powerful and good willing ancestors of both families and invited them to support us in the process of birthing a new family.
In the ceremony all guests unknowingly represented the ancestors so that when they were sending wishes and blessings to the couple, the ancestors were actively participating too.
The key stages of the ceremony included the couple asking their family of origin for blessings to be happy and the family of each other to be accepted as a new member of the tribe. They exchanged vows, did systemic claiming, exchanged rings and made a wish as a new family. All that with full support and open hearts of all their families and friends. Children took an active part too so that as many generations as possible were included. We also remembered and included into the circle everyone who couldn't make it on the day.
To me it was an incredibly inspiring and powerful ceremony. Simple, deep and all inclusive. Hopefully a perfect start to something new and beautiful to continue the flow of love through generations.
I am fascinated by the Systemic Family Constellations work and everything shamanic. I study it, practice it, research it. Here, I am sharing what I learn and hope it can be of use to somebody interested in healing their families, communities and lives.
In 2019 I published some of my poetry inspired by systemic work in this journal. It is available as PDF, Kindle or printed at the link above.