Family Constellations are like a magic mirror on the wall – revealing the truth of what is. Similar to the queen we ask the question already expecting specific answer. And again similar to her we might get confused, upset, angry and disappointed with the result. Of course we want something to change otherwise we wouldn’t be here. But sometimes we confuse the constellation with a painkiller. Take one and feel better. If the result is not what we expected and the magic solve-it-all formula hasn’t been applied, there may be a feeling of being tricked, let down, mislead.
Constellation is not a quick fixer. Although a very power method it cannot substitute your own learning and growth. It releases new energy for you to use on the journey of your soul, it aligns the strings attached to you to the universal love so that you are resourced to get to where you want to be. But it cannot get you there. It is your job and responsibility.
The good news is that when you set the intention you launch yourself on a path of getting there. Whether within one constellation or within the next six months, or two years your intention will be met. At exactly the right time for you. Initial constellation may be a first step on this path that is followed by synchronicities of the right people, right events and right timing to fulfill your heart’s desire. Have trust you have been heard.
At no other time do I feel more lonely than when I am in a presence of a desired one. The awareness of a gap next to me. A gap that asks, demands to be filled by dreams, projections, desires, illusions. An intensity of feeling suddenly illuminated, that creates agitation of mind, drainage of energy. The intensity that to be bearable requires making a step forward or retrieve completely. Suspension is destructive.
As I am able to recognise the intensity as something that I carry, something that links me to my past I am able to look at it. I am able to hold it. All I need is to see and welcome it. As I keep looking, holding it in respect, I feel gratitude for the lessons loneliness taught me. It created enough space for me to find my spiritual home, to get to know myself and to learn my intuition. It has put me on my path.
I say ‘thank you for being here for me all this time. I see you now. I give you your rightful place. Let it be on my left side so that my right side is an invitation for the desired one to come closer.’ As I say it my loneliness morphs into a friend, a lifelong companion. Intensity becomes bearable. Now I can see loneliness as aloneness – a gift of enjoying the fullness of my own company. In that I am able and willing to take it one step at a time. There is no urgency. There is desire and excitement of a promise, a potential to be realised.
(Image by Valentin Gubarev)
We are the key
You and I, them and us
We are the key
But we are not the purpose
The key is meant to open doors
The doors to love
That has been closed
Or are they?
The keys connect the space
The now and here, then and there
The purpose always is the same
The doors to love are open
Get your divinity aligned
As is within so is without
The keys to love are you and I
The journey of the heart starts now
(image: John Bauer)
Constellations are about inclusion. Once a friend told me of their visit to the Westminster Abbey for the ANZAC Remembrance day service. This was the First World War battle in Turkey where New Zealand, Australia and Britain fought together against Turkey. What struck me in his story was the fact that Turkish flag was laid in the ceremony by the Turkish soldier next to British, Australian and New Zealand flags. When I wanted to know why, he showed me these words written in a booklet for the ceremony ‘...the Union Flag and the flags of Australia and New Zealand are presented at the High Altar with the flag of Turkey in a sign of the reconciliation of old enemies...’ The ‘perpetrator’ has been included into the ceremony next to the ‘victims’. It had a place.
Mustafa Kemal Ataturk – the first President of Turkey after the war wrote: ‘Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives...you are now lying in the soil of a friendly country.’ To Turkey those soldiers were enemies and in these words he acknowledges their place in the collective story of this land.
A system seeks to include anyone who is excluded, forgotten, kept secret, not spoken about. It might find strange ways to do it – repeating scenarios, similar patterns, unexplainable health issues. System uses whoever is available to remember and to give place on some unseen level.
When you prepare for your constellation think of anyone in your family system who might have been forgotten for some reason. Without judgement or fear but as a fact of your own story, of how things really are, look for who is missing.
I am fascinated by the Systemic Family Constellations work and everything shamanic. I study it, practice it, research it. Here, I am sharing what I learn and hope it can be of use to somebody interested in healing their families, communities and lives.
In 2019 I published some of my poetry inspired by systemic work in this journal. It is available as PDF, Kindle or printed at the link above.