Wisdom of Elders

My neighbour is turning 98 next week. She goes to choir twice a week, sings at home the whole day and gardens when the sun is shining. This week she invited me to attend a regular group meeting she goes to on zoom (before it was in person) that has been running for the last 50+ years. As I was sitting with these people the youngest of whom was 75, I couldn’t help but imagine sitting around the fire in a circle of elders. For about 80 minutes they were expressing concern and praying for various situations around the world. They haven’t complained once about their lives or health, all they talked about was what they could do to make things better for others. They also shared some good news from their communities and celebrated their friend who turned 101 that day. I wondered whether this is what good future ancestors look like.

I’ve interviewed most of them before about their lives. One thing that struck me was how freely they talked about their past. How eagerly they shared their wisdom and life lessons, from the most painful to the most joyful ones. Not every elder, in my experience, is so open to share. My grandmother, for example, would not talk about anything in her life at all, unless I asked to see her old photos. Then she’ll at least tell me who is who and I’ll make up some of the story.

I wonder whether our ability to share our story relates to how much pain is still unprocessed in it. It is a well-known fact that those who came back from war rarely talk about it. My great grandfather is said to never have spoken about what he'd been through, he started drinking instead. The family is, to this day, discovering bits and pieces of his story from various sources.

The elders I interviewed all had a way to process pain, grief and suffering and had a belief system that supported them in finding meaning in all of it. So, one of my thoughts for becoming a good ancestor is to do as much processing of my own stuff, to be able to share what I know with others without leftovers of pain and shame. That will also clear away unnecessary burdens passed on to future generations.

In Becoming a Good Ancestor programme next year we'll dive deep into what it means to be a good ancestor, and how through ancestral healing, inner child work and trusting ourselves we could step into that place - becoming so resourced that we'll be able to share it with others in the future. Registration will open first week of January and I will tell you more details before then. I am really hoping to walk the next year with you, weaving ritual into every day life, continuing to build a co-creative relationship with ancestors and getting more connected with our own beautiful powerful selves.